Moving in with Your New Partner as a Single Parent: How to Help Your Children Make a Smooth Transition
As a single parent looking for love, you know you need to find someone who is a good fit for you — and for your kids.
That’s why when you meet someone you want to move in with, it can be equal parts exciting and nerve-wracking. However, by being honest and authoritative with your brood from the beginning and creating a welcoming home for everyone to settle into, you can make the transition as smooth as possible for your children.
Have a discussion with your partner about parenting roles and responsibilities
Having a frank conversation (or perhaps multiple discussions) with your partner about each of your roles in your children’s lives once you move in together is essential. If you two aren’t on the same page about how to raise and discipline your kids, it can quickly get confusing, frustrating, and overwhelming for your little ones, so have a plan in place from the start.
For example, consider these important topics:
- Will you make every decision regarding the kids together, or will you be dividing responsibilities?
- Is your beau familiar with your family’s rules and schedules, or will you create new guidelines and routines once you’re living together?
- If your partner also has children they’re moving in with, will the same expectations be set for every youngster, or will you start slowly by parenting your own children separately?
- If your companion doesn’t have kids, will you ease them into their new role as a household authority figure, or are they already treated as one?
You don’t need to have an answer for everything right away. In fact, as time goes on, you may find that you’ll make changes to what were once hard-and-fast rules based on what’s working in your new household. Still, having a clear idea about your own and each other’s parenting styles — as well as how you’ll ultimately come together as a family — will help build a solid foundation for your little ones.
Talk to your kids about the future
Once you’ve discussed your roles as parents in your newly-blended household, it’s time to talk to the kids about your decision to move in together. They’ll have a lot of questions, including how their lives will change and what each of your roles will be in raising and disciplining them. If you’ve had a heart-to-heart with your partner about your future as co-parents, you should be prepared to address their concerns (or at least most of them!).
Pick a time when no one will be in a hurry to make it to the next event on their schedule. Dinner time, for instance, will allow for a much more productive conversation than the car ride to soccer practice. When everyone is present and listening, explain that you’ve decided to move in together, whether you will be moving in with your partner or they’ll be moving in with your family, and why this news is exciting for everyone. Once you’ve made the big announcement, let your little ones talk about how they feel about your decisions and ask any questions they may have.
Although they’re bound to be full of questions (and possibly, heavy emotions), don’t let them drive the conversation. Be sensitive to any fears they have while remaining firm in your decision. If anyone gets upset and you feel the discussion is moving to an unproductive place, let everyone know that you can continue it the following day after everyone has had a chance to think it over. Explain that while everyone is entitled to their feelings and that those feelings matter, the decision is final, and it’s only going to be discussed in a calm and respectful manner.
Finally, don’t ask your kids for permission. It may sound like a nice way to include them, but it’s actually a lot of pressure to put on a child. Even if they have concerns, they probably don’t want to tell you not to move in together, because they don’t want to disappoint you. However, if they give their blessing and the relationship ultimately comes to an end, they may feel partly responsible for having given you the go-ahead.
Design a home sweet home
Whether your partner is moving into your home or you’re moving into theirs, cohabitating will be a big environmental change for your kids. They also may feel they’re losing control in their own home, especially if they suddenly have to share a room with a step-sibling or move to a new neighborhood.
To help them adjust, allow them to create or update a space of their own. Even if they aren’t able to have their own room, let them make their mark on the home in some other way. For example, offer to let them:
- Makeover their bedroom. Hire a professional home organizer to create a layout that will keep it tidy.
- Paint their bedroom. You can hire a professional painter to do the heavy lifting.
- Add a decorative feature to a common room, such as the family room or living room. It’s helpful to hire an interior decorator to redo your space and help bring your child’s vision to life in a functional way.
- Build a treehouse or clubhouse. For safety’s sake, work with an expert to help you set up either structure. A professional shed builder is usually a good candidate for both jobs.
- Build a backyard playset. A professional playground installer will help make your child’s jungle gym dreams come true.
- Set up a hobby room or hobby workshop.
- Create a study space or reading nook.
They’ll also feel a sense of ownership in your home by actively participating in it. Get them involved by:
- Assigning age-appropriate chores for your children.
- Cooking with your kids. Be sure to make your kitchen kid-friendly before breaking out the mixing bowls.
- Gardening with your children.
Create bonding opportunities
Even if you and your special someone have been together for a while, the odds are that it will take some time for everyone to feel like a family once you’ve moved in together, especially if both partners have kids. To help everyone embrace this new chapter, create ways for the family to bond with a few of these family-fun ideas:
- Decorate the home as a family.
- Host family game nights.
- Establish new family holiday traditions that complement your existing ones.
- Take family day trips.
However, also be sure to spend quality time with your children during and after the move-in without your partner. Sharing some alone time will be a good way to check in with them on how they’re feeling about all of the changes. It’s also a good way to remind them they are still your priority, and that will never change.
Moving in with someone you want to share your life with should be exciting for every member of your family, but getting your kids on board sometimes comes with challenges. By establishing a care plan with your partner, having an open and honest sit-down with your kids, and creating a welcoming home environment and bonding activities, your expanded unit will begin to welcome this new era with open arms.